Dad, You’re Not Very Good at Skateboarding

What Toddlers Teach us About Brutal Honesty and its Role in Parenting

Some mornings, parenting feels like a heartwarming scene from a Pixar movie. Other mornings, it feels like an episode of Survivor where you thought you knew where the vote was going to go, but then suddenly, you get blindsided, and Jeff snuffs your torch.

This was one of those mornings.

We were on our way to preschool. I was driving and thinking about the million things I had to do that day when, from the back seat, my daughter hit me with an unexpected reality check.

"Dad," she said thoughtfully, "you're not very good at skateboarding."

No context. No warning. Just a raw, unsolicited performance review.

Now, she wasn’t wrong. I’ve been learning how to skateboard for the past couple of years and being in my 30s, It’s been slow progress. I’ve had a lot of falls, a few scraped elbows, and one nearly career-ending rib injury. But despite all that, I really feel like I’ve been getting better.

Apparently, though, my toughest critic disagreed.

I laughed because what else could I do? She wasn’t trying to be mean. She was just stating a fact, plain and simple. Toddlers don’t soften their words or consider how they’ll land. They just say what’s on their minds.

As I kept driving, I found myself thinking about that kind of unfiltered honesty. How natural it is for kids, how rare it becomes for adults, and what role we play in shaping it.

Do we teach them to soften the truth, or do we help them learn how to use honesty in a way that builds trust instead of tearing it down? I wanted to know, so I dug into the research.

The Psychology of Toddler Honesty

Why Do Toddlers Speak Their Minds?

What I learned is toddlers don’t just prefer honesty—they default to it. Their brains aren’t wired for tact or subtlety yet. Instead, they process the world in literal terms, which is why they say exactly what they see and think.

At this stage of development, their understanding of truth is simple: things are either true or false. There’s no room for social cushioning or strategic phrasing. This blunt truth-telling isn’t just about lacking a filter; it’s about how they process reality.

Neurologically, the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for impulse control, social awareness, and emotional regulation—is still in early development.

Because of this, toddlers:

• Don't have a real concept of social norms yet, and they don’t understand that certain truths might be better left unspoken.

• Haven’t developed the ability to anticipate emotional reactions. They aren’t trying to hurt feelings. They just haven’t learned how words can impact others.

• Process language literally. If something is true to them, they assume it’s universally true and say it out loud without hesitation.

These neurological factors make toddler honesty both refreshing and, occasionally, mortifying.

What Makes Honesty a Learned Behavior?

Something else I found incredibly fascinating is that honesty isn’t necessarily something kids have to be taught, but dishonesty is.

Research suggests that deception is not an inborn trait but something that children begin to experiment with as they age and observe social interactions. And they’ve found that:

• Young children (ages 3-4) will almost always tell the truth, even when there’s no reward for doing so. They don’t yet recognize the concept of dishonesty as a tool for self-preservation or social benefit.

• By age 5-6, children begin to experiment with small deceptions, often to avoid punishment, gain approval, or test boundaries.

• By age 7-8, kids start to recognize "polite lies" in situations where dishonesty can maintain social harmony, like pretending to like a gift.

This timeline suggests that honesty, at its core, is a default setting that slowly becomes more complex as kids observe the social world around them.

All of this was super interesting but also super nerve-racking. It got me thinking: How do I make sure I don’t teach my kid to be dishonest?

How to Foster an Honest Household

Creating a home where honesty thrives isn’t about demanding truthfulness or punishing dishonesty. It’s about making honesty feel safe, valued, and expected. Kids are more likely to be truthful when they see honesty as a natural part of daily life rather than something they only resort to when they aren’t afraid of consequences.

This starts with the way we respond to their honesty, the examples we set, and the expectations we reinforce.

1. Setting the Standard for Honesty

For kids to embrace honesty, they need to see it modeled consistently in daily life.

This means:

• Demonstrating truthfulness in everyday conversations. Let kids hear you be honest in moments that matter. If you make a mistake, own it: “I forgot to pick up milk at the store. I’ll grab it tomorrow.”

• Reinforcing honesty through actions. If you expect your child to be truthful but they catch you telling small fibs, they’ll take note. Be the example.

• Discussing honesty beyond rule-following. Instead of making it about avoiding punishment, talk about why honesty is important and how it builds trust.

I’ve written before about mindset shifts that help when limiting screen time, and many of those same shifts can also apply to building an honest household. Sometimes, it’s less about enforcing rules and more about creating an environment where the right choices come naturally.

2. Encouraging Truth-Telling Without Fear

If kids associate honesty with getting in trouble, they’ll quickly learn that hiding the truth feels safer. Instead of making truth-telling a high-risk action, reframe it as a brave one.

• Separate the action from the honesty. If your child admits to breaking something, acknowledge their truthfulness first: “I really appreciate you telling me. Let’s figure out how to fix it.”

• Avoid immediate punishments for honest mistakes. If a child knows they’ll be reprimanded the moment they admit to something, they’ll hesitate next time.

• Use honesty as a learning tool, not a weapon. Instead of, “Why didn’t you just tell me the truth?” try, “What can we do differently next time?”

When kids feel safe being honest, they’re more likely to come to you with bigger truths later in life.

3. Teaching Honesty with Emotional Awareness

Honesty should never feel like an obligation. It should feel like a responsibility kids take pride in.

Teaching emotional intelligence alongside honesty helps kids develop a sense of when, how, and why to tell the truth thoughtfully.

• Help kids reframe their honesty. If they blurt out something harsh, guide them in reshaping their words. Instead of “That dinner was bad,” they could say, “I liked last night’s dinner more.”

• Introduce the idea of helpful vs. unnecessary truth-telling. Some truths serve a purpose, while others don’t need to be shared. Asking, “Does this need to be said?” helps kids learn discretion.

• Show them how honesty builds connection. Share examples of times when being truthful strengthened a friendship or relationship. Help them see honesty as a powerful tool for trust, not just a rule to follow.

Closing Thoughts: Embracing the Honest Moments

That morning in the car, my daughter wasn’t trying to critique my skateboarding skills. She was just speaking her truth.

Her words weren’t filtered, softened, or carefully phrased. They were real.

As much as my pride took a small hit, I realized that this stage of honesty is fleeting. In a few years, she’ll learn to hold back certain truths, begin filtering what she says, and start learning when honesty is appropriate and how to navigate social expectations.

But right now? She’s fearless in her honesty. And that’s something to celebrate.

As parents, our job isn’t to suppress that honesty. It’s to shape it.

We need to help our kids navigate the world with truth and kindness and create a home where they feel safe speaking openly. We need to show them every day that honesty isn’t just about avoiding trouble. It’s about being the kind of person people can trust.

So, to all the dads out there who get unsolicited feedback on their skills, whether it’s skateboarding, singing, or making pancakes, take it as a badge of honor. Your kid is honest with you because they trust you. And in the long run, that trust is worth more than any smooth kickflip.

And mark my words: As soon as I land that kickflip, I’ll be sure to report back to you all on how my daughter reacts.